May his memory be a blessing...In Jewish tradition, each time you think of someone who has passed on or say their name, they are blessed and so are you. The memory you have of them turns into a blessing for you and for their soul.

Kevin~Jake~Alex

      I sit on my front step and watch the cars come and go, in and out of their driveway, and I sadly think, "I can't even imagine..."  Then I remember that everything happens for a reason, right?  Good or Bad, there is a reason that things happen.  Right now I can't think of any reason for this to happen to any family, but then I think "I am grateful for those who have been supporting them, praying for them, and keeping his memory alive.....if his memory is to be a blessing, his soul will be blessed beyond our lifetimes."

5 weeks ago, our 16 year old next door neighbor, Kevin, passed away in a car accident.  This child's family, The Messers, (John, Kimmarie, and Alex) have had an outpouring of love and support from family, friends, teachers, coaches, and I'm sure strangers as well.  I have witnessed a sense of love and community far past my expectations. Tragedy struck and all of these people came together. I live in a big city, a city where there are too many high school teams and school districts to count... where you feel like your child may just be a number. 

Until this...a child passes away, and all of a sudden your community becomes one.  You realize just how much of an impact your family and your child have had on so many people throughout the years.  As I sit on my front step, I watch individuals who are feeling so much loss, come and go from this home, a home that is suffering the same great loss but to a much greater depth. Individuals who only want to help them get through the darkest days by bringing the beautiful, bright memories that Kevin brought to so many people. 

 Kevin was a son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, friend, athlete... He touched so many lives in so many different ways, that everyone wants to reach out and offer support.  This family will never feel alone.  Meals had been planned for the month of July, but because so many families wanted to help, this went through August.  A memorial fund had been set up that far exceeded anyones dreams!  The Messer's have donated, in Kevin's name, equipment to numerous football programs, equipment that cannot always be afforded by the kids or their families.  The outpouring of everyone's need to do something has been brought out in a way that Kevin would be so proud of.  Kevin's friends still are stopping by the house to "hang out" with his family.  They are welcomed into his home because this is what his family needs as well.  The sights and sounds of friends...talking, laughing, joking, and sometimes crying.  The healing slowly starts...
     There are many things that people will miss about Kevin and think about everyday. For me it is mostly sounds...The baseball games in the backyard, balls hit into our yard for Cody to chase, and especially the sound of basketballs!  Here I sit, thinking...and listening...
Everyone will have their own thoughts, feelings, and memories...And because Kevin touched so many lives, his soul will be blessed forever

"Hanging With Old Friends And Saying "Remember When"

1987

  Old Friends

 Or 

Old Friends?  

Camp.

Sports.

Pre~school.

High School.

College.

Military.

Life.

 Just as we have cherished friends that we have met later in life and they know us inside and out, we have friends that have stuck with us, whether through memories or actually still being a part of our lives.   Many of these Individuals are friends that were made during or after college in our adult or "older" life (hence "old" friends).  For the lucky ones, you have friends that you have known almost your whole life (hence the second "old" friends).  These individuals are friends who have the pictures of you when you were like 6 years old in Brownie uniforms or prom or playing basketball in high school.  They are the ones who know why you cry when you look at old pictures of your mom because they knew her well, they grew up with her.  To keep these friendships intact takes effort and traditions!  You may live close by or you may live across the country, and you may not talk to these friends for what feels like decades.  The coolest thing about childhood friendships like that is that these people knew you 40 years ago and they are that same person after so many years.

Friends Since 1960's

Friends since 1980's

Friends since 1970's

1990

  This past weekend both my husband and I were lucky enough to spend some quality time with our childhood friends and our kids at the same time.  My daughter and I went to a camp reunion where she spent time with her childhood friends from the past 13 years and she got to see me catch up with my friends from 40 years ago!  My husband, youngest daughter, and son-in-law went to Canada with my husbands childhood friends. (The 4 amazing guys pictured above have been best friends since grade school.)  They have made this a tradition every summer for the past 6 years  The kids get to see them share old memories while making new ones.  Sharing the importance of lifetime friendships with our kids will hopefully teach them how having these special people still a part of your life when you are pushing 50, is one of the most extraordinary feelings in the world.  If you are lucky enough to have these people in your life, (even if it is through facebook!) you should consider your life very full.  I saw many this weekend who I haven't seen for years, but felt like no time had gone by.  Teaching our kids about how to be a good friend will help them to understand the importance of having these individuals in their lives years from now.  When you have experienced certain things as a child, such as camps or sports, where you shared special memories or moments, these are the things you will never forget!

LOVE. WARMTH. KINDNESS. SMELLS. FEELINGS. MEMORIES. LIFE

If You Build It They Will Come~

If you build it...They will come.  Or better yet, in our case if you buy it (with plans to rebuild it and retire in it) they will come.  That is our secret plan...our kids will never want to leave.  Call it what you want, the cabin, the lake, up north...it all means the same thing...togetherness.  We bought our "dream" 4 years ago on the shores of the beautiful Lower South Long Lake.  As we go into summer #5 we know that our kids will keep coming back.  It's not a question of "if" they can come for the weekend, it's "how many nights" they can stay!   My husband and I both grew up spending summers on the water. It became very evident to us that we needed to continue  this lake life tradition into not only our kids lives but someday our grandchildren's lives.  Well, so far so good.  We have met the most amazing neighbors who have turned into friends through boating, campfires, s'mores and many starry nights.  We looked at so many houses on so many lakes, but as soon as we walked into the house on South Long Lake we knew this was it!

Not only was our underlying intent of buying the cabin for our kids, but for extended family and friends as well...
Our "secret plan" is in motion.
4 years in and 4 family reunions later...
The same weekend every summer...
25guests (and getting bigger every year!).
boats.
jetskis.
bikes.
toys.
tents.
campers.
campfires.
food.
dogs.
babies.
family!

We have made so many incredible memories in so few years that we can't even to begin to imagine what's to come.  Our best memory yet...
our now son-in-law asking our daughter to marry him on her 23rd birthday on the dock at sunrise.  This happened during our 3rd annual Family Weekend!  Every weekend we are there we are making new memories.  It is very rare that you will find that the weekend is "just us".  Although we do cherish the quiet weekends we have there, they are few and far between.  We welcome everyone and friends of everyone...our door is always open and that makes us happy! Lake Life Is Good😊

Why Fit In When You Were Born To Stand Out...Dr. Seuss

I am challenged by my every word by my 22 year old.  However now, 8 years after I wrote this 1st blog about her, it is about real life.  
8 years, high school and college…all in the past.  I watched this beautiful girl grow into this beautiful woman.  She is strong, independent, still a little OCD, but the furthest thing from an introvert, which is how I described her 8 years ago.  She eased into high school, with little struggles here and there, (but this is where she learned to react with positivity).  This is when she learned she is not going to play the drama game, she is going to do what is good for her and no one else.  She was the hockey captain, where again she did not play the games and get into the gossip and drama that most girls would.  She was a leader and a confidant.  

Fast forward to college…I worried beyond belief about this girl being on her own with us 1/2 across the country.  This is when she started calling me every day, multiple times…to which she still does to this day.  The one who for 18 years was so quiet and not much for long conversations.  All of a sudden she’s calling every morning to say “Hi’. I thought that this would be a phase…4 years later I always know that my phone will ring and it will be this cute kid popping up on my phone. The conversations can be quick or we can literally be on speaker or FaceTime while we are both making dinner not saying much.  I don’t care what it is , I’ll take it.  

She has made lifelong friendships in her past 4 years, found someone who makes her truly happy, worked through school, played hard and worked hard…This kid lived the last 4 years to her fullest, even through Covid.  This threw everyone for a loop, but she thrived through it, and we got to have her in Vegas a little more than I could have hoped.  

Here we are 8 years after the blog that I wrote about my little OCD , introvert.  She is graduating tomorrow from The University of St. Thomas with a degree in finance, taking a well deserved trip to Europe, moving into her apartment, and starting the rest of her life.  She made it her goal to have a job before she graduated, and with more than 1 offer picked the company that best fit her.  She’s got so much ahead of her and to say that I am beyond proud of her, especially after reading the blog I wrote 8 years ago, is a complete understatement.  I know I am not the only one who has ever had a child graduate, (well, because she is our 3rd child to graduate college), but the deep feelings of time being a thief, and the deep feeling of pride, watching all of our kids grow and live their lives is somewhat surreal.  We are all getting older, and as much as I miss my kids being little, watching them grow at this parcel of life, I didn’t expect to love so much.  So with that, I leave you with the blog that I wrote 8 years ago for my Sadie.

Congratulations little girl…You did it and we are so proud.  We love you 🥰 

Why fit in when you were born to stand out.

I am challenged on my every word by my 14 year old...
"Mom, Why do you have to be so judgmental?"
"Im watching "The Voice" Sadie, its a judging show..."

    Me, judgemental?  I have an OCD, introvert teenage daughter who doesn't seem to care what anyone else thinks about her...(in a positively strong way) She is the last one to worry about what everyone else is thinking or doing.  She claims she's not an introvert but as we go down the list of characteristics we both nod at each other and laugh at each one because it is so her!  Sadie is her own person who doesn't always like to have a conversation or show affection with hugs and kisses, and I'm ok with this...really, I am!

     So no, I am not judgemental of anyone else's parenting or child because who am I to judge when I have had to make excuses for Sadie for 14 years.  My best excuse is that she's tired!  Have you ever seen a child tired for 14 years!! Anyone who has known Sadie for the past 14 years has seen my tears and my joy.  I have gotten so used hearing "Sadie is Sadie" and understanding that others see her as this amazing, strong little girl who will always do her own thing and be her own person...and so "Sadie is Sadie" has become such a positive statement in my life.
[thank you to those of you who have helped me to see that...you know who you are!]

     Sadie is my friend, whether she likes to admit it or not.  Some days she'll admit it and some days not.  She spends more time with me than anyone else is right now and even though she is not always with me in mind and spirit, she is in body.  She is another body eating, drinking, and breathing with me at the dinner table.  Little does she know her mind and spirit will be right there with me someday and I'll be there waiting.  But for now I will just look at her and watch her grow before my eyes.

    Middle school will be coming to an end in 2 short weeks and on we go to high school.  As I am watching some of my parents at work right now struggling with their babies going off to kindergarten, I am tearing up for them as well as myself knowing how fast this time will go.  I think about all of the things that are ahead of my OCD introvert (ok, maybe not an introvert...) child and I can't help but think that she is going to get through the next 4 years beautifully...she is smart.independent.strong.amazing.  I'm sure there will be plenty of tears, struggles, smiles and laughs,  but what would life be if you didn't have these challenges before going off to college.

This child cleans her room nightly, keeps up her schedule weekly, changes her room decor quarterly,  and can't stand things out of place!  She googles anything about everything...sicknesses, traveling, decorating, history...she wants to know it all!  I sometimes wonder...where did she come from and who
am I to judge...  She thinks Eric and I are crazy and the fact that she has to leave us alone together to survive some day scares her...she has told us that!


All in all I don't know what I would do without my later in life baby!  I love this kid for more reasons than I could even begin to explain.  She has challenged me to no end and has made me a stronger mom that I thought I was or ever could be.

"Being A Mother Is Learning About Strengths You Didn't Know You Had And Dealing With Fears You Never Knew Existed"

While Every neurotic parent has their neurotic parenting moment, just remember there will be a day when we are missing the years we weren't sure we would get through.  If we can say we did the best that we could,  then that should be all that matters.  Don't criticize, judge, worry, or second guess yourself...you did a great job... and your child was born to stand out...

No Words...

There are no words for devastation. There is before devastation and after devastation... That's why this entry is best said in pictures.  The after pictures are from the internet, but the before pictures are through the eyes of an incredible photographer...my daughter.  My daughter and son in law were lucky enough to travel the world last year and spent some eye opening days in Nepal.  Eric had been there before and he was so excited for them to see how people with nothing can live a full and happy life.  They saw some things that really made them realize how a third world country lives.

From Dani's Blog : It is amazing how happy all of the people in Nepal are with their life, even when they have nothing...they live off the land, drink water from the ground and bathe in the rivers. They are incredible people and it really made me take a step back and realize the little things! 

7802 lives lost in an instant...13 traditional days of mourning ends... military from around the world come together to help in rescue efforts... 

Happiness Before VS Sorrow After

A little boy learning to build a kite

A little boy learning "Loss"

Joe Loving the dogs

Rescuer saving a dog

Washing clothes with no water

Washing Clothes with a little water

Thanking G-d for happiness

Asking G-d for happiness

Keeping a baby safe

Saving a baby

Bus for safe travel

Bus for rescue to safety

Playing in fresh air

Finding fresh air

Walking down the street

Walking down the street

The people of Nepal have their faith, prayers, and their robust love for life with so little.  They will move on, rebuild, start over and always mourn the loss of 7802 loved ones...NO WORDS...

If you want to change the world...start off by making your bed...U.S.Navy Adm. William H. McCraven

I had 4 inspiring days last weekend full of respect, precision, appreciation and pride.  As parents, we teach many important qualities to our kids in hopes that they will display these qualities into adulthood.  Unfortunately this will not always happen.  In my opinion, from what I saw last weekend, every 18 year old, before going off to college or into the world, should have to leave the comforts of family to commit to 8 weeks of living "without".  This 18 year old will learn how to listen to and respect others, about teamwork,  as well as knowing how to push oneself to complete physical challenges.  This will all be taught by an instructor not a parent...then if...and only if they get through it, are they allowed to move on and attempt to change the world. (Only if their bed is made because that is the first accomplishment of every day)  If you don't get through it, you do it again and again until you get it...and trust me you will.


Please..Thank You...Excuse Me...Yes sir...No Ma'am

This is what I saw when we went to Jakes graduation from Basic Training.  The instructors taught them really the same things that they learned when they were little kids, just in a harder environment.  They push and they push and they teach these boys and girls to be men and women.
Every day they woke up at the same "crack of dawn" time, MADE THEIR BEDS, worked out, ate a healthy breakfast, had to work as a team, surpass challenges, listen to lectures, get yelled at, march not walk, hands clasped in front or in back, speak with respect, dress to perfection...All without television, music or phones...This brought lack of having any connection to friends and family as well as no connection to the outside world.

The first minute we saw him in the midst of 700 graduates, I saw a different Jake, He was standing at attention and could not move until either Eric or I "tapped him out" (which meant he could not move until one of us tapped him on the shoulder) at which point I got a much needed Jake hug!  He smiled that Jake smile and I just wanted to go back 20 years, pick him up and take him home!  I could not believe the amount of happiness and pride I felt seeing him.  As much as "this sucks" as he put it, he has learned life lessons that I know he once learned when he was 3!  These lessons were just instilled a little differently.


Doing Without = Gratitude
No Phones
No Music
No Television
No Tablets
No snacking
No caffeine
No Alone Time
Being Pushed=Physically Fit


 Here are a few conversations between Jake and I.

Jake wanted a gourmet cookie...I got Jake a cookie...
Me: "Let's go...why are you just sitting there?"
Jake "I can't walk and eat, I have to sit"

After getting him a Starbucks:
Jake "Mom, will you carry my coffee, I can't walk holding a coffee!"

Jake "I have to find a restroom."
Me: "They are down the escalator"
Jake: "I need you to walk with me, I can't be alone"

And the best one...
A girl walks by and say's "Welcome to the Air Force Airman"
Me:  "She's Cute!"
Jake: "Yes, she is...should I ask her to text her number to my mom's phone!"
(remember, he has no phone!)


These are just a few things that I watched Jake do or say during the past weekend.  As I walked with him and looked around, I noticed people looking at him...up to him.  Total strangers congratulating him, welcoming him to the Air Force.  You see, when you graduate Basic Training you wear your new uniform with your new stripes, your new bars, and your new outlook.  
I watched many new airmen walk with pride after achieving such and amazing milestone in their lives.  They have learned that they can get by "without" the extras in life...for 8 weeks anyway!
Congratulations Airmen and Welcome to the United States Air Force!

"I Love You And That's That"

"I LOVE YOU AND THAT'S THAT"
April, 1999...
Those were the last 6 words my mom ever said to me.  6 words that meant one thing...unconditional love.  Unconditional love means 9 months, 40 pounds, 2 days of contractions and labor only to cry uncontrollable tears of joy while you hold your newborn baby.  It means loving your toddler when they decide to color the walls in your new house because they would rather it be a rainbow of polka dots, loving your teenager when they don't want to have anything to do with you...although by the second, third, fourth child you just have to laugh because you know they want to have everything to do with you, they just don't realize it!   It could mean loving your new puppy when he/she chews your new kitchen table leg then poops on your white carpet.  It mean's loving a best friend when they've talked you into doing stupid things only to laugh about it many years later!  And siblings...that's the best unconditional love ever, because when it really comes down to it, they will never leave your side!  (Not in my family anyway) No matter what, you will love this sibling, child, pet, or friend.  So, what about a spouse?  Is there unconditional love there?  Not always, but in the best cases, yes...this brings me to my dad.  This man is 76 years (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!) of warmth, love, patience and unconditional love.  I know my sister, brother, and I have tested his patience beyond measure, yet he was always the supportive one.  He has been through many experiences that shows how committed and true he would always be.
                                                                                                                       He and my mom married when they were 18 and 19.

Yes, they were young and yes, they were in love.  They had 3 kids that they kept happy and safe...unconditionally. My mom being a stay at home mom, was always the go between with my sister, brother, and I and my dad.  When you screwed up, you went to mom, you wanted to shop, you went to mom, you failed at something and wanted to cry, you went to mom.  She would then, ever so subtly share with dad what it was that happened or what we "needed to have!"  It was her showing us the unconditional love in her own mommy way, and my dad showing us unconditional love in his own daddy way.
Then one day, we got to know my dads side of unconditional love in a way I had never

 

dreamed. They were 45 years old, had their first grandchild, loved their traveling, boating, renovating the beautiful house of their dreams, then this...
December, 1984...I am 18, rushing my mom to the hospital...heart attack, open heart surgery, coma, amputations, re-habilitation...re-learning life...  All of a sudden my dad is in this nightmare out of his control.  He has me, this hormonal crazy teenage daughter, who needs her mom, my sister away at college, and a son, daughter in law, and grandson who all looked to him for strength.  And he keeps this strength up regardless...for us.
The next thing you know 9 months has gone by,  he has not left her side for one day.

September, 1985... it's time for my mom to come home, what does my dad do?  RE-renovates life...buys a wheelchair, a walker, a prosthetic leg, bedside Potty, (which my kids thought was the best chair ever!!), builds ramps, widens doorways, trades in a waterbed, (remember, it was the 80's!) for a king size electronic bed, trades in my moms corvette for a custom van, and did whatever it took to move on with life with this new outlook!  Not once did he ever complain...he just made things normal.  Is this normal for a young vibrant 46 year old couple who were about to hit the empty nest years?  Yes,  it is normal for what life had become...  

So, you may wonder...what had life become? 
Traveling
Boating
Parenting
Grand parenting
Renovating another new dream home

Life had become no different than it was before, just a few unexpected changes that without the unconditional love of my dad may not have happened..
They enjoyed an "extra" 15 years together that they very easily may not have been fortunate enough to have.  And in those years not only did we learn how to live and love a little more, but their grandchildren learned many life lessons that they never even realized they learned.   Seeing these everyday challenges and the way Grandma and Papa lived was just normal...no disability, no handicap, no issues...just life...a life where you say
 "I love you and that's that"

In This House...

 In this house we do Dreidels. Santa. Matzo. Easter Bunnies. Hearts. Leprechauns. Fireworks. Pumpkins. Pilgrims. Family... 

This weekend brings our family two holidays that I will hard boil dozens of eggs for.  First we will have them at our Passover table and then we will color them!  In December you will find a Menorah lit in our front window right in front of our Christmas Tree. My wish to everyone year after year is "Happy Mixed Up Holidays...From A Happy Mixed Up Family"  In our household we have learned many things about religion from Judaism to Christianity.  Thirty years ago I met an amazing man and fell in love.  One problem, he wasn't jewish.  It was always in the back of my mind that I would marry a jewish man because, well, that's what my parents, grandparents and society made me believe.  As the years went by, and we fell more in love, Eric and I figured out that religion would not stop us.  Love, Strength, and Happiness, that is what was important.  Let me add though that I consider myself extremely lucky that Eric was so open as to how we raised our children!

If you feel deeply about something, you make it work.  Our parents and grandparents were completely supportive, as I am sure they were also a little uncertain as to how we would make this work.  As the years went on I found that there were many interfaith families among us. There were synagogues that welcomed families like ours and reached out to the non-jewish spouse to help them learn through the years.

Raising kids with parents of two religions is challenging at the very least.  If my husband was going to be supportive to help me bring up our kids jewish, I wanted him to enjoy the things that he grew up with.  Therefore we did raise our kids jewish, yet we went to church on Christmas and Easter as well as creating many traditions and memories around those holidays.  Being in an interfaith marriage we have found is a lot of give and take.

 We have instilled all of the tools in our kids to live a full jewish life.
Bris. B'nai Mitzvahs. High Holidays.
Hebrew School. Camp. Israel. Chupahs...

Young kids will just go with what their mom and dad are teaching and think nothing of it...Going poop on the potty is something learned just as being jewish is...hence my "Out of the mouths of babes 2" on the right sidebar of my blog...True conversation between a 5 year old and a 3 year old.  But as your kids grow they will begin to see things differently and in their own light.  My daughter married the man she fell in love with just like I did, and he is not jewish either.  Once again...Love, Strength, Happiness...  They will learn together to balance what is important to each of them, then together instill that into their own children.  Jake took in everything that we taught him but I was never sure how he really felt until last week.  As I have said before, he is at basic training for 8 weeks and we got to talk to him last Sunday.  Sadie asked what he did that day and he said it was "Grilled Cheese and Jesus day."  We all had to laugh a little at what he called it but deep down  I thought, well good, he is getting a bit of g-d in his life and who cares how.  Then he proceeded to tell us that he took several friends that he met to Shabbat services on Friday night.  Who knew that there would be Shabbat services on an Air Force base!  I guess lighting Shabbat candles every Friday night left an impression  :)   Sadie had her Bat Mitzvah just last year, so she has a while yet until she will have to truly figure things out without Eric and I.  You can teach your kids about everything you believe, but ultimately the way they live their lives is a decision that they will make.  They will take it upon themselves and may take a different view on religion and life.  You may or may not see eye to eye, just as our parents did not always do, but giving your kids your blessing...that is what will mean the most.  You have done your job raising them, teaching them, and supporting them, (which will never stop) but now it's up to you to trust they will take what they have learned and live a happy life.  Because you know what?  No matter what the circumstances, everyone has
happy mixed up holidays with their happy mixed up family!

Christmas Trees                         Haggadahs                          and Santa